Our long-awaited bike trailer did, in fact, arrive this afternoon. We took it out for a spin and it is fantastic.
Included in the packaging was one of those notices that often come with internet-order products. This is what is says, all formatting as in the original, except for the bold parts, which I added to show you my favorite parts:
"PLEASE DO NOT RETURN THIS PRODUCT TO THE STORE! We will be happy to correct any problems that you may Have, or to answer any of your questions regarding the Purchase of this product. Please contact us at our Toll-Free Customer Service Number ###-###-####. Press "1" for customer service and then "2" to speak to a representative. You may also email us at www.pacific-cycle.com. Thank you."
I enjoyed the seemingly random capitalization of "have" and "purchase." And while I commend them for telling us in advance how to navigate through their automated phone menu, I'm not sure why the numbers have to be in quotation marks. I also appreciate that we can email them at a non-email address. Thank YOU, Pacific Cycle!
While we're on the subject of absurd capitalization, allow me to share with you an announcement that ran in my church's weekly bulletin recently. The occasion was...well, I'm not sure. I was able to figure out that it had something to do with our church's food storage program, but that's about it. This is the blurb in its entirety, again with original formatting preserved (no bold parts this time because I couldn't choose my favorites!):
"Cook Apple Slices with your Regular Oats for breakfast, serve Potato Pearls with shredded cheese, make a variety of desserts by adding Kool-Aid flavors to Vanilla Pudding, mix extra salsa and cheese to hot Refried Beans for dip or for nachos, and who can resist a big bowl of Spaghetti with marinara sauce, wake up with a cold glass of Fruit Drink or enjoy anytime, and use White Beans for soups, stews, or baked beans with brown sugar and bacon."
If the person who wrote this is a native German speaker, and that's why they capitalized a lot of nouns, then forgive me for mocking their efforts. I see this a lot in casual writing, though - capital letters inexplicably strewn throughout an email or announcement in places where they just don't belong.
But really, who can resist a big bowl of Spaghetti with marinara sauce???