I've got some kind of nasty strep throat thing going on these past few days that makes it extremely painful to swallow. This morning, after a fruitless trip to the local Urgent Care center ("The quick culture came back negative for strep, but we should have a complete result on the long culture in 48 hours." 48 hours?? Do they have any idea how much it hurts to even breathe right now??), I sent Jeremy to the store to buy me some SlimFast meal shakes to get me through the day. I figured the shakes would go down easy and still give me good nutrition.
Well, he came home with a six-pack of something called "Fortify," Kroger (store) brand, strawberry-flavored. At first, I thought it was just the ghetto version of SlimFast, but then I read this on the package: "To help gain or maintain healthy weight. 350 calories per serving." In other words, almost the exact opposite of what I wanted. The last thing I need is to beef up on protein shakes during my convalescence.
I have to wonder if he's getting back at me for something...an experience we had in Moscow comes to mind.
We had been in the country a whole three weeks, and married for a whole two months, when Jeremy was seized with a terrible episode of food poisoning in the middle of the night. Somehow, I managed to get us a taxi in the freezing January night, persuade the taxi driver not to smoke since Jeremy was already in danger of puking without the help of nasty cigarette fumes, and get him to the local urgent care center. They put him on an IV and discharged him the next day with a few prescriptions (the prescription for a suppository said to take "one per rectum." Seriously!) and some special instructions. These instructions stipulated that Jeremy was only to drink bottled water, strictly the non-carbonated kind (Russia is one of those countries where they like to drink carbonated water).
As soon as we got home, I had Jeremy write down "carbonated," in Russian, on a small piece of paper. Armed with this vital piece of information, I went to our local grocery store to buy the gentlest, most non-carbonated bottle of water I could find.
The word for "carbonated" in Russian is "газированная." I scoured the shelves of bottled water and finally found one that said "сильногазированная." I didn't quite know what "сильно" meant, but I assumed it meant that the water was not carbonated.
I bought a huge jug of the water and brought it home. As soon as Jeremy took a look at it, he started laughing. "Сильно," it turns out, means "strongly." I had just bought a big jug of heavily carbonated water for my sick husband. He's never let me live that one down, not in the almost five years that have passed since.
But at least we're even now. Right, Jeremy?