Monday, October 22, 2007

In a world where salt has 60 uses...


(Note: click on the graphic to view it, and then click again to enlarge it.)

A woman came up to me at church today and asked if I wanted a handout on "60 Uses For Salt." What could I say but yes?

(If this seems a little random for something given to me at church, it's related to our church's food storage program, which is awesome. What is even more awesome is the amount of knowledge certain people in our congregation have on the subject, including the lady who gave me this handout.)

After church, I had a chance to actually read it. I've had a great time imagining the world in which many of these uses would actually be applicable. Namely, a world in which:

1. People still use hankies.
9. People's apples become wrinkly.
10. People call the griddle after a pancake but call the pancake itself a flapjack.
14. People read this sentence and don't almost fall over laughing in church (like Jeremy did).
25. People polish their teeth.
32. People are hanging up laundry outside in freezing temperatures.
35. (This one is cheating and doesn't really belong on the list, because in this case, you've used too much salt, haven't you?)
50. People's hose are constantly getting mismatched.
58. People own old kerosene lamps.
60. People are baking pies (OK, maybe this one is strange only for me).

And finally, this is a world where Mormons apparently:

12. use coffee pots (I guess there could be other uses for it),
49. drink coffee (hmm, maybe not)
30. drink tea, and
52. are constantly getting wine stains on their clothes.

Anything else?

9 comments:

Nancy said...

Ummm...we actually would put our swimming gear in the garage to freeze-dry. It was sweet. The water would evaporate leaving your clothes barely damp and stiff as a board. Then you'd bring them in and let them thaw and they'd be dry by the time they were thawed out.

We never used salt though, but that probably would have helped occasionally.

And I actually have some pie gunk in my stove so I might just try the salt there.

And I've always wanted to polish my teeth...just kidding. :)

Ashley said...

46. Boiling salt water actually takes longer to boil, but will boil at a higher temperature so #46 should read: eggs will cook faster in boiling salt water

Kristen said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I thought you were totally lame for posting 60 ways to use salt. I have better things to do, really. Until I read it.

Ahem.

4. There is no way to construe this sentence as a use for salt. A use for rice, perhaps, but not salt.

10. My pancakes don't stick to my flapjack griddle either.

14. Whoa.

15. And when I think of all the money I have wasted replacing worn-out clothespins!

23. I think I'd prefer to have a sore eye to a sore and burning eye. But that's just me.

24. I have gargled warm salt water for a sore throat--choir teacher taught me this one. And Gary sprinkles salt on his tongue when he's feeling dehydrated--says the increased salinity promotes water retention in the body. So there's number 61! Take that, stupid list!

28. Mmmmm...salted milk....so relaxing...

29. Seems to me this should be followed by an explanation or a promise of the good fortune to be received by doing so...

34. If my sponge needs freshening...it is going in the garbage!

46. Ashley is correct about this one...but if it were true that salted water boils faster, it would be true regardless of what was being cooked, as it is a property of the saltwater, not the eggs.

50. Once again...just buy some new hose. Or better yet, throw them away and shave your legs for crying out loud!

51. Sweet refrigerator odor...

53. I've always loved the phrase "offensive odors." It conjures images in my mind of people actually becoming offended by an aroma. Hm.

59. Why are the odors on my stove offensive, but not the ones in my drainpipes?

This entire exposition seems curiously as though it may have been published by the Salt Council of America. Come on, you really expect me to believe that Sodium Chloride is some sort of super-substance which can clean, deodorize, and--(scoff) actually *improve* the glorious flavor of cocoa?

You're not fooling anyone, mighty salt sponsors.

Suzanne Bubnash said...

Boil clothespins in salt water so they will last longer? Pour a mound of salt on an ink stain in your carpet (I assume a spilled bottle of ink)? Use salt to fill plaster holes in your walls? What century was this written for??

Several suggestions are valid: copper bottom pans can be shined up by rubbing salt on the bottoms, then adding & rubbing in vinegar--it takes only a few seconds. Gargling w/ warm salt water breaks up gunky sore throats.

Kristen said...

Wow, I can't believe I posted a comment on every post today. So thought I'd throw one more in for good measure. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the 'Happiest Toddler' book. And I'm partway through (and loving!) "Birth." My time to read is so limited these days, and then I spend it reading the blogs I love!

Bridget said...

Nancy, an occasional swimming gear in the garage drying is one thing. Drying clothes in freezing temperatures so often that it necessitates extreme measures is another :).

Ashley, that's never been clear to me. Thanks for explaining it.

Kristen, I could hardly get to sleep last night because your comments had me laughing so hard. I, too, had thought of the "sore eye" cure as a little ridiculous, but I thought maybe other people got sore eyes.

Jen said...

Alright...

35. cut up raw potatoes will also take the heat out of something that is too spicy. I have done this and swear it is true and it works....I made salsa once that was so hot it was inedible....so I chopped up some potatoes and stuck them in overnight...VOILA! It was a miracle. I've never used potatoes to counteract saltiness, though.

Bridget said...

Come on, Jen, admit it: you WROTE this list!! What other tidbits of wisdom are you keeping from us?

Mom, I've been trying to place the time period to no avail. Choose basically any decade and at least one item on the list will throw it off. There is also the disturbing fact that the list has been digitized at some point (it's not from a typewriter).

Kristen said...

I consider keeping you up at night with laughter a huge compliment. Thank you.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails