Monday, July 28, 2008

Why we're willing to go into labor

Another Sunday, another gauntlet to run at church. I don't know what it is about church that makes me dread attending when I am so close to my due date. Maybe it's because I see everyone else around here on a daily basis, even three times a day at mealtimes, and so it's not a big deal to wake up another morning and see everyone and still be pregnant.

But when a whole week has passed between Sundays, I just feel like everyone is salivating to find out whether huge fat Bridget had her fat baby yet and will she ever stop being so huge and fat and have that baby already? Today was no different. People are nice about it, and I end up just pasting a smile on my face and saying something inane like, "here I am!" Here's to hoping that today was the last Sunday I'll have to do that.

While we're on the topic of complaining, allow me to air a few other grievances. I can see that the system of pregnancy and childbirth was intelligently designed, because by the end of it all, we ladies are willing to do just about anything to get the infant usurper out of us. Even labor. I've felt "ready" for a few weeks now, but the symptoms of being done with this pregnancy are increasing exponentially each day that goes by.

So let's go ahead and get slightly specific, if for no other reason than so I can look back and mock myself once the baby is born and laugh about how much better everything is on the other side.

1. Miriam and I have this exchange several times a day: "Mama, can I sit on your lap?" "Um, sweetie, I don't have a lap." "Why?" "Because of my big fat tummy." Repeat, repeat, repeat.

2. My number one goal in life is to seek out comfortable seating. It is really difficult to stand still for any length of time and I am always looking for a place to sit down.

3. I can't sleep. It's been progressively getting worse and last night was the hardest one yet. People are always saying it's easier when the baby is inside, but these people are lying.

4. I can't remember the last time I was physically comfortable. Everything is relative: I'm only sometimes just less uncomfortable than I was before.

5. I get heartburn from drinking water. Seriously.

6. Bending over to pick up anything I've dropped is almost impossible. The worst part is that somehow I'm clumsier than ever, so there are a lot more things to be picking up. I am fond of asking myself (or Jeremy), out loud, rhetorically: "Why do I drop things? So that I can pick them up."

7. The little things, like noticing how aware everyone is of my large girth. It's subtle, but when I'm walking around in the cafeteria, I can tell that people are leaning in toward the table when I pass by, or tucking in their chairs to allow more room for me to pass. I'm huge, I get it, OK? But thanks for your consideration.

8. The mental strain of constantly wondering when the big day will come. This one is really taking its toll.

There's more, but I feel better already having just shared these few. I was lucky enough with Miriam to start labor the day after announcing to the world - well, actually just Jeremy - that I was DONE and planned to spend the rest of the pregnancy inside our air-conditioned apartment reading books and watching movies. So maybe declaring the same thing here (minus the AC, and also the unrestricted leisure time) will have the same effect. Here goes!


Liz Johnson said...

Hmm... similarly, I felt like I had to blog and/or call people and/or be present at various social events just so I could avoid the barrage of phone calls or emails or whatever asking me if I had my freaking baby yet. I thought about changing my voicemail message to "I haven't had that kid yet. In response to your inevitable question of 'how ya feeling,' I am feeling awkward and enormous and uncomfortable and generally annoyed. Yes, I'll let you know if/when anything happens. Stop calling, please."

And every time I went anywhere in public, people's eyes just got wider and wider and wider. I just wanted to constantly wear a (gigantic) shirt that said "STOP STARING OR I WILL KILL YOU" on the front and back. Some women cry more when they're pregnant... I have more violent tendencies.

I remember items 1-8 all too vividly. And I still pick up everything with my toes... some habits are hard to break.

May you go into labor soon and have a smooth, easy, and quick delivery.

Aimee said...

Jameson was 13 days late, if you think its bad now, go OVERDUE. I knew it was really bad when after 7 days past my due date my phone stopped ringing. When I called anyone I had to say, "I'm still pregnant" before saying anything else. I wrote a list of 41 reasons it was no fun being 41 weeks pregnant. My "girth" was 45 inches around at my belly button! I most definitely feel for you! I agree that in order to "want" to go into labor, we need to be completely uncomfortable. I am sure you cannot be as huge as you are claiming. I really don't believe it! I am sure you are cute and tiny, with a big baby belly!

Bridget said...

Liz, I would buy that shirt.

Aimee, I can't even imagine almost 2 weeks overdue. What I also can't imagine is having it be twins (Mikael, I'm looking at you). If it were twins, things would have probably felt like this months ago.

Crys said...

Hey we just read Escape...not joke. I just can't help myself. I see the polygamist runaways and I have to pick up the book. Jason liked it. I would give it a three. Not horrible. Some interesting pieces...BUT, well I'll let you figure that out for yourself.

Lark said...

I too have had similar feelings the last few weeks of my pregnancies. And I agree that church was the worst. I just couldn't even respond to people because I didn't want to yell at them or say something mean. I have to admit that with Paul I got a lot of comments at church the last sunday like "you're still here!" But the best was Sis. Morgan when she said with a smile, "Glad to see you're still with us!" That made my day.
And sorry about my comment on your last post - I didn't mean to vent on you, somehow all these pent up feelings came out - so I apologize. Really, I'm sorry.

Lilianne and Jason Wright said...

Okay Miss Bridget -- all these comments about being huge, fat and the like - yet there is really no evidence of you being that big! I think I need to see a picture of what you consider to be "so huge" to really believe that you are actually as big as you think you are. Let me clarify: I bet you really aren't that big!!

Now, I, of all people, understand those feelings of being so pregnant that you just want the baby out...the point that you're just so uncomfortable, so clumsy, so sick of being pregnant, etc. that you'd do ANYTHING to bring on the horrid task of labor (even drink castor oil) to get that baby out.

But really. I'm sure you're really not as big as you think you are - and there is NO WAY that you are as big as I was -- seeing that I gave birth to a ten and a half pound baby. Case closed.

Still, I do feel your pain and there is nothing worse than being full-term pregnant and "fully ripe." I'm just glad I didn't go overdue. I am feeling for Aimee - cause I literally would have died if I was overdue.

Katie said...

The way your feeling, I know that the LAST thing that you feel like doing is having pictures taken of you, but I really really would like to see of picture of you pregnant. It doesn't even have to be too recent. I'm sure your still beautiful, even if you don't feel it.

I am wishing I had taken more pictures of myself when I was still pregnant. At the time the last thing I wanted to see in my face was a camera, but now, I wish I had more pictures.

Bridget said...

Lark, no apology necessary! I was hoping people like you and Heather would chime in with your different perspectives.

People, the fact that I have not posted a picture of 39-weeks-pregnant me should be evidence enough that I really am big. And all of you who have seen me in real life and know how short I am - that's not a reason for me to be cute while pregnant, it's actually an indicator that I will be grotesquely obese while pregnant. There is just nowhere for this baby to go except straight out in front of me, support by my stubby little legs. Don't make Jeremy get on here and add his confirmation of the above facts.

Nattie said...

My life will not be right until Bridget is no longer a fatty...

Nancy Heiss said...

Can't say anything sympathetic, so I won't try until you're un-pregnant, but let's just say that the small-bellied pregnant ladies do have a flip-side of the coin...

Katie said...

I'm sure that by asking for a picture, it is probably just one more example of how insensitive people (me) are, but how bout a compromise? Will you show a pic. of you like 6 months pregnant?

I really didn't mean to be insensitive.

Mikael said...

the end of pregnancy sucks, no matter if you have 1 or 2 babies in there. I am sorry, it will end soon! You can't be prego forever. And why do you go to church? I stopped going to church around month 7! Just stay home, eat chocolate, and vedge on the couch. You wont have much longer of just quiet time, so USE IT!

Britney said...

Twelve comments in two days...hmm. This is just one of "those" topics, isn't it?

You may be relieved to know that I'm not commenting to request a picture of you at 39+ weeks. :) Just wanted to say thanks for your recent post "A soundtrack for Sasha 2.0". (My) Jeremy and I rented Dear Frankie per your recommendation and loved it.

Bridget said...

Oh, Katie, you're not being insensitive. I'll think about it and maybe post the most unflattering picture I can find. :)


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