Thursday, September 18, 2008

Anatomy of a blowout

Today was Storytime day at the library. I enjoy Storytime for Miriam's sake, though I don't get much out of it myself. Miriam loves it, though, and I get a chance to pick up all the books I've had on hold all week.

It's been a bit trickier to manage Storytime since Magdalena was born. There's Miriam, which is fine, because she can walk. But then I have Magdalena in the sling, my purse/diaper bag (currently occupying the same space), a blanket for any nursing sessions that may arise, and a bag full of books to return. I don't know that there is any sight more awkward than that of me and the above entourage making our way into the library, unless it is me with all that hud + baby reading stories to Miriam while possibly nursing Magdalena, trying not to flash the security guard who seems to always be hanging around the children's section.

Today, Magdalena took it up a notch. We had finished Storytime successfully, and I had picked up all three books they had on hold for me (Found, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, and Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History). We settled in on a tiny couch in the children's section and I nursed Magdalena while reading stories to Miriam.

As Magdalena nursed away, I could tell she was working on a bowel movement. She'd been working on it all morning, actually, and I was absent-mindedly trying to recall if she had successfully pooed or not before we left for the library.

That question quickly resolved itself when I felt Magdalena soil her diaper. I use the word "felt" in the sense that I felt her push it out, but also that I physically felt poo on my hands. And it was spreading, slowly and sickeningly, across her back and onto my lap as I held her while she nursed. And she just kept pooing, and pooing, and pooing.

All of this was concealed underneath the nursing blanket, of course, and I was still reading Miriam a story even as a cold sweat of terror came over me. I hadn't looked yet, but I knew that my lap was covered in poo. I knew that Magdalena was covered in poo. I also knew that we somehow had to check out our books and get out of the library with all of our hud, without getting even more poo all over everything (library card, books, library employee, carseat). This was a difficult thing to do even without having to worry about feces, and now, as I said, Magdalena had managed to kick the intensity up a notch.

You may be wondering why I didn't just make a beeline for the bathroom. The fact that I didn't should tell you just how bad the situation was. I couldn't even comprehend the logistics of trying to clean up a blowout like that in any place other than at home, in the bathtub, with a washing machine in close proximity.

When she was done nursing, I carefully covered Magdalena with the blanket but let it hang down enough as I held her so that it also covered the poo on my jeans. Miriam held her books, I held mine, and I used the self-checkout machine to avoid any awkward questions from library employees. Then we made a run for the car. I put a burp rag under Magdalena so that she didn't soil her carseat, and then we drove like the dickens for home. Fortunately, Jeremy was there to help us with the rest.


Here it is. It's like she wasn't even wearing a diaper. Those of you who have experienced a baby blowout know that sometimes, there is just nothing that can contain it, its sheer force is so great.

Also, I never noticed that the wall color matched baby poo so exactly. I'll see if I can forget that fact sometime soon.

13 comments:

Mikael said...

so funny!!! I don't even attempt to go out anywhere! I just sit in my house all day, that is hard enough. And miraculously I have never been pood on by these boys.
It looks like she has a little reddish hair, all my kids come out with red hair then turn blonde.
YOu are looking AWESOME by the way :)
And yes, I love the yellow wall color... haha

JackJen said...

oh man oh man oh man.

I would have PANICKED. In a socially-UNacceptable way.

Also....

...YOU HAVE A SELF CHECK-OUT at your library??

I'm poo-green with envy!

Eevi said...

oh wow..that is all I can say.

You handled the situation beautifully.

Aimee said...

Wow! That's impressive! Jameson ALWAYS blew out diaper, and I can't even begin to describe some of the awkward situations I had been in while trying to change him. Although after I switched to GDiapers he hasn't really had a blowout, but it could have been that he was a few months old at that point. Looking great you two!

Jennifer said...

Wow. That is a great story. I'm amazed how well you pulled that off. My only blowouts in public have been while traveling: airport, hotel, etc. So fun. :)

Shannan said...

that was a great little story to read tonight - no pun intended with the library setting and all.

Liz Johnson said...

Wow, those really are the same color. Hmm.

I am way impressed with how you handled that. I had that happen to me at church, and let's just say that a scene was made. I'll leave it at that. Yuck.

Jill said...

How funny. Sarah also had a blowout today while on my lap. Thankfully we were at home and it wasn't nearly as bad as yours. But we've certainly had ones like that where all you can do is laugh (after just a little bit of panic).

Susanne said...

I love how you took time out for a picture before changing your baby so you could make this wonderful post even better. :-)

Bridget said...

Jen, I remember your story about the blowout on an airplane with Ian. My sympathies are with you.

Susanne, it was Jeremy's idea. I didn't want to pause for it (nobody enjoys the feel of pooey jeans), but now I'm glad I did.

Fromagette said...

Anna did that at church once and I ended up bathing her in the bathroom sink. Luckily I had extra clothes!

Kristen said...

Hilarious. Because it wasn't me. And I can't believe the wall color. Good luck forgetting that.

Nancy Heiss said...

Ah, those were the days :) And I think it's a pretty color. The wall definitely, but also the poop. I won't launch a discussion about other possible colors right now, but as far as BMs go, yellow is nice.

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