Wednesday, September 24, 2008
And baby makes four
It's been seven weeks since Magdalena was born so I think I can control myself enough to write this post without getting all weepy. I wanted to write it when she was brand-new, since the emotions were so fresh, but then I realized that they were too fresh and I would never be able to get through it.
Before Magdalena was born, our family was a little club. It was Jeremy, Miriam, and me. Just us three. We were buds. We had our routines, our jokes, our favorite things to do. We were an exclusive, three-person club.
It wasn't always like that. Jeremy and I were married for almost four years before Miriam was born and guess what those four years were like? Yep. A club. It was Jeremy and me. Just us two. We were buds. You get the idea.
And then along came little Miriam Damascus, two weeks early, catching us totally by surprise. Surprise in the sense that she was early, yes, but also surprise in the sense that she TOTALLY ROCKED OUR WORLD. It took quite a while to get used to her, and used to there being three of us.
For a long time, I mourned the loss of Jeremy's and my relationship as it had been. I knew it could be just as good, but it would always be different now, always. I grieved for our exclusive, two-person club, but eventually moved on and came to appreciate the three of us.
When Magdalena was born, I found myself mourning the loss of a relationship yet again. This time, it was the special relationship I had with Miriam. To sum up my feelings at the worst moments: What have I done?? I felt so sad, so sorry for her, and so unsure about the place Magdalena could have in our family. Could she ever truly belong to our club?
Enough time has passed now that I think I can answer my own question: What have I done? I've given Miriam a chance to have a sister to teach, care for, and play, fight, and grow up with. I've given Magdalena the same. For Jeremy and me, there has been the joy of re-discovering all of Miriam's amazing skills and independence that we took for granted before. They're hard to miss now that we can compare them with Magdalena's almost complete helplessness.
I think I can safely say that we are a club again. It's Jeremy, Miriam, Magdalena, and me. Just the four of us.