Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My nightmare job

Last night I listened to a podcast about Australia's recent tourism public relations coup, disguised as a contest to win The Best Job in the World. The host of the show invited people to call in with their dream jobs. It got me thinking about what my nightmare job would be, and I think I know what it is.

A realtor.

In no particular order, here are the reasons why I could never be a realtor:

1. The phone calls. OH, the phone calls. I hate the phone with a passion (kind of like Eevi). Having to actually pay attention to it when it rings would be so irritating to me. It's bad enough that I have to do that now, temporarily, in case anyone ever calls ahead for a viewing. I can't imagine having it be that way all the time. People leaving messages, having to call them back, having to make appointments with complete strangers...it makes me anxious just thinking about it.

2. The driving. Taking people across town, back and forth, especially in a place like Tucson where it's all dysfunctional surface streets and it takes forever to get anywhere, sounds something like my idea of hell.

3. The style. My understanding is that to be a realtor, you have to be chipper, well dressed, and beautiful. I just don't think I could look the part.

4. The financial calculations. Buying and selling a home involve some of the most complicated money math I've ever encountered in the real world. I don't think it's because I have no skills in this area - I do our family's taxes and I took AP Cal back in the day. But start talking to me about escrow and transfer fees and appreciation rates and watch my eyes glaze over.

5. The unpredictable schedule. (Strangely, this is one of the things about motherhood that I find to be very challenging. But that is another blog post.) Apparently, I like to know what my schedule is going to be ahead of time. I don't really appreciate last-minute changes to plans that have been set in place for some time (unless it involves positive events with friends). I don't think I would take kindly to having a relaxing weekend interrupted by some seller's sudden need for something.

So we've established that I'll never be a realtor. Did I miss any other evidence?

What is your nightmare job?

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

I would hate to be a realtor for all the same reasons. I even majored in math, but when I sit down to figure out exactly how our loan works, I decide I just don't care. I also think the unpredictable income would be stressful.

Sarah Rose Evans said...

I already held my nightmare job: telemarketer for an online "University." If you didn't talk enough people into signing $30,000 contracts within 24 hrs, you got in trouble. And they timed how often and how long it took you to pee.

Dream job: picking split ends. Or winning the Pulitzer.

Kat Clark said...

Nightmare job? Hmmm? Something involving laundry so I guess working at a laundromat that washes and folds and irons and all that. It sounds simple but really, there is not a job I hate more than laundry.

Eevi said...

Telemarketer would be one of the nighmare jobs for me. I took that job for one day and never went back...even though I was desperate for money but I just couldn't do it. For the obvious reason that I hate making phone calls to strangers...

Amanda said...

Stock Broker. To have all those people stressed about their money all the time and to have to know a lot about things I have no idea about and calling me for answers, it makes my skin crawl. I would hate it more if I had to sell financial products while I was at it. Oh, I feel like I'm going to vomit just thinking about it.

Chris said...

Being a telemarketer was my worst job too. I could not create a worse job for myself.
I sat in a crowded room and stared at a computer screen with a name and number. I didn't even have to sell anything, I just had to get people to answer a 20 minute survey about banks. The bosses told us that they listened in on calls to make sure that you weren't chatting or anything. The environment purposefully stifled creative thought.
I was so proud of the people that thought up cool things to say to me. My favorite was the guy that told me "This isn't my house, I'm a burglar."
I worked for 5 days straight and then over the weekend that I would work one more week. After the evening shift on Monday I bought some KFC and never went back.
But I hate talking on the phone and I hate bothering people, so I think telemarketing would be the worst job ever.

But door to door proselytizing is pretty rough too. I couldn't do that for money.

Lindsay said...

I'm phone phobic too. Nightmare job ... anything involving lots fo stress and lots of phone calls. Ugh.

Liz Johnson said...

I think you could look the part, but I agree - being a realtor would be AWFUL.

My nightmare job would be in sales. I am the worst salesperson I know. I hate trying to convince people that something is worth their money and/or time, especially if it's something that I don't believe in myself. I could probably be a salesperson for Costco or H&M... that is, until somebody informed me that they weren't interested, at which point I'd be like, "Oh, ok. No big deal!"

I HATE SALES.

Laura said...

I completely understand you about not liking the phone. i don't like to either. I only like talking on it to talk to Matt or my family (and friends too when they call me).

I think that worst job would be having to sell anything. I am not talking about working in a department store. I mean having to sell a specific product. Put that with my hate of the phone and it would be a telemarketer.

Emily said...

Hey, um, thanks for the (unless it involves positive events with friends)comment. While I was reading your post, I thought "oh, no!" But your last comment made me feel better! Sorry, I'm a total last minute person!

Natchel said...

I'm with Eevi on the phone calls. At BYU-I, my roommate had a telemarketer job and got me to apply. I don't know what I was thinking taking it. Oh, I know. It was the fact that it is like the only job for students in a college town besides Walmart. Anyway, I worked there for 2 days before I quit. It was like being dumped by a boy a thousand times a day. Couldn't handle the rejection. So, telemarketer.
Or an astronaut.

Bridget said...

Emily, I should offend you more often if it gets you to comment on my blog!

I guess I didn't say that very well. What I meant was: leisure replaced with leisure = OK. Work replaced with lesiure = definitely OK. Leisure replaced with work, especially at the last minute = NOT OK, in a job sense.

Suzanne Bubnash said...

I agree with all those who said that jobs interrupting people by telephone would be the pits. I don't need the rejection & would do a terrible job of convincing people to buy something I wouldn't buy myself.

It may not have been the world's worst nightmare job, but I paid my dues working in a sweatshop (sewing factory) on Center St. in Provo. All day long I hunched over an industrial sewing machine, breathing in nasty airborne fibers & listening to the swearing & derogatory conversation of others around me.

Love the temp job I have now for the US Census Bureau. Have knocked on thousands of doors to give people information on the upcoming census & have met 99.5% great people & just a few crabs. Am outdoors rain or shine, walking constantly, sometimes up very steep spots in the West Hills. It's great!

sarah said...

My boss said the other day, "Man, in Wyoming a guy would buy a house from you if you're wearing sweats and a t-shirt, everywhere else you have to dress nice!"

I am with Liz on sales. I don't like selling things to people, even things I like. Funny that I'm married to a salesman that loves doing it and the challenge it brings.

Not sure if I should admit this..but I think my dream job could be to play with cats and to then share my cat friends with people to make their day better.

What is your dream job Bridget?

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