Thursday, January 28, 2010

Am I worth it?

I'll share more details once it's a sure thing, but I have a conditional offer for a work-from-home job. Conditional, because I have to successfully complete a four-day training seminar first. And that's how I came to be here, in a town outside NYC, all by myself.

I am unbelievably nervous. It's a work-from-home job, yes, but unlike when I edited the dictionary, I will actually have to meet my (prospective) bosses and "co"-workers. In person. TOMORROW. Before I left Ithaca, as I packed, I broke out the professional work wardrobe that I purchased back in 2000 and haven't touched since 2005. There were still a few usable pieces. Usable enough, anyway, to get me through a four-day seminar.

As I drove away from my husband and two kids this afternoon, headed for NYC, I had to fight the feeling that I wasn't worth it. What right did I have to inconvenience my family by leaving town for four days? What right did I have to spend our family's hard-earned money and resources on something that so totally benefits ME? Who did I think I was, to deserve a little work vacation?

It took me from Ithaca until about Liberty, NY - a good few hours of driving - to convince myself that I was asking my family to do no more for me than we've done for Jeremy many times in the past. I reminded myself of all the times we scrimped and saved and stretched to get Jeremy to that important academic conference while he was doing his PhD, or how we used up precious frequent flier miles to supplement a paltry student travel grant. It was all to further his education and work prospects. It's been a long time since we've done anything like that for me. And besides, I think I am worth it.

Especially if I get through this training OK, which I am fairly confident of because the job is a great match for my skills. But you never know - maybe my outdated professional wardrobe will kill my prospects. Let's hope not.

16 comments:

Suzanne Bubnash said...

Women get used to putting their families first (which is in our nature and a plus) and forget that it makes sense to do things that are important to ourselves. Being away for 4 days does not fall into the category of neglecting a family (if you were traveling 4 days a week, that's neglect). Enjoy every minute!

Eevi said...

Bridget, I'm so excited. Please give more details of this job. As much as I love nursing, the downside of it is the fact that you cannot work from home. You are so worth it. I think it's a great example to your girls to show a mom who uses her talents while still making her family a priority. Plus you know that little getaway is good for you and your family will benefit from a happy mom and wife:)

Merkley Jiating said...

I didn't know you were leaving! Can I help you with anything here?

Merkley Jiating said...

I didn't know you were leaving! Can I help you with anything here?

Mikael@starter home to dream home said...

Good for you for doing something for YOURSELF!!! You are the person that makes me feel like a bad mom becuase you are way too selfLESS. When I drive away to teach everynight I get a huge FAT smile on my face, leave the house a disaster, no dinner made, and shout to my husband "have fun hun!!!" And I feel no guilt at all.... Am I a selfish mom?? Maybe because I have ALWAYS worked. there hasnt been a moment when I have been a full time "stay at home mom".
Bridget, We all deserve some time away from our families, it makes us better when we are WITH our families. You are worth it. YOu deserve it! You are a good mom when you do things for yourself. And you are teaching your kids to fulfill dreams for themselves and value themselves.
Just make sure to only work because you love it and don't work too much- I am pushing that fine line of working too much and it stresses me out everyday!! Now I am starting to reavaluate... (but my husband says I am terrible when I DON'T work)
LOVE YA!!! GOOD LUCK!!!! You will ROCK IT

Liz Johnson said...

I totally get that. I often fantasize about the coming years because then it will be MY TURN to go back to school and/or work and/or do something that benefits ME and stimulates ME mentally and that I have wanted to do for so long. And I always feel guilty and/or silly for fantasizing about it so much, as though my fantasizing somehow shrinks and/or belittles my role as a mother.

I am a wee bit jealous and SO VERY EXCITED for you!!!! I can't wait to hear more!

Jeremy Palmer said...

Hey, has anyone seen Bridget? I woke up this morning and she was gone... Who is going to make my breakfast and dress me?

Britney said...

Congratulations on the job. I'll be anxious to read more details. Hope all goes well!

Katie said...

Have fun on your little vacation! Maybe you should take the stairs since you don't have Magdelena with you. :) And good luck with the job!

Fromagette said...

How exciting for you! Good luck.

Now, I'm going through very much the opposite. I've been "working" at home for three and a half years now and I am done. Done, done, done. Of course, I've been managing the building that we live in which brings with it a whole slew of problems and pressures that normal work-at-home jobs don't have, but I'm still done. I believe I am probably having some of the same feelings of liberation and self-empowerment knowing that I won't be working soon (as soon as we find a suitable place to move to).

Lark said...

(I love Jeremy's comment!)
I'm excited for you to be able to do something for yourself. I hope things continue to work out for you and this job.
I didn't understand "needing time for myself" until I moved to Vegas and had 3 children under the age of 3 and my husband was working 80 hours a week. So when I started auditioning for these musicals, I felt a bit guilty, but I got over that very quickly. So I get it - I appreciate your post - I have had similar thoughts and feelings about this topic.
Marriage is about making sacrifices for eachother and supporting one another...I'm glad you have some time for you now!

Crys said...

They say the marriages that work the best are the ones where each partner has the space and opportunity to grow and develop...so for the sake of being one of those families that is disgustingly over the top happy...YOU ARE TOTALLY WORTH IT! Jeremy you are a hoot...just remember it is all fun and games until you have to clean poop off of furniture :)

Julie said...

Wow- I'm so excited to hear more about it! How do you find these jobs?!

Like Liz, I'm a bit jealous but excited for you. I'm hoping to eventually find something on the side that excites me and fits my skills. I think it's great that you've been able to use your many talents and earn a little escape at the same time.

Bridget said...

Julie, both of my work from home jobs I heard about from Jeremy. That's one of the perks of having a husband in the same field as me. He belongs to all the professional organizations and listservs and he passes on the juicy job leads. It works out well.

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