Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Unsolved Mysteries, and The Job

Here are some mysteries that I'm trying to sort out. The only clues I have are what I discovered upon arriving home after being gone for four days.

Shampoo bottle: totally empty. I'm pretty sure it was full when I left.
Shower body oil bottle: totally empty.
Conditioner bottle: in the closet. (?)
Tub/shower diverter: missing.
Weird black marks on the wall in my bedroom: yes. I'm about to discover if they'll come off with a Mr. Clean Eraser.
Stickers on Miriam's walls: Yes, oh YES. I'm totally ok with it, though.
Computer desktop background changed: to a picture of a thunder and lightning storm.
Sopping wet blankies found in the sink: two. I think Magdalena compensated for my absence by taking her previous comfort objects into the bath.

It's kind of fun to figure this stuff out. I've never been away from my kids long enough before to have to guess at these things.

Also, it's come to my attention that in the previous post, maybe I was less than generous to my awesome sister. I really appreciate her being willing to come take care of my children and she did a great job with what she had (two perhaps slightly unruly children who were separated from their mom for the first time). I wanted to state publicly that I am extremely grateful to her.

About the job, here are a few details. I'm not sure if I want to name my employer yet so for now I'll use very general terms. Basically, for all you people who quivered in fear lest you make a grammatical error when commenting on this blog or speaking with me in person, your worst nightmare has come true: it is now my job  to rate the proficiency of people's speech (in English). Let the reign of terror begin!

Just kidding. Not about the job, but about me using my new special powers on the unsuspecting public. The context of my work will be limited to people who are taking a certain language proficiency test and need to have their English skills rated. I'm sure a few of you fellow language nerds out there can guess the acronym I'm referring to.

So sorry if it's not as cool as maybe you thought it would be, but I couldn't be happier with my new work-from-home job. It is perfect for me and my family. I'm really excited about it. I even dreamed about rating tests last night. Woohoo!

22 comments:

Liz Johnson said...

I really wonder where your tub/shower diverter went. That one really does NOT make sense.

I hope I didn't sound like I was bashing Teresa in my comment. I just wanted to say that when I leave the kids, I want to leave them with my husband, and I want them to be little hellians, so that he can more fully appreciate me. :)

Also, Chrome is not allowing me to comment in Blogger and IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Bridget said...

No, it wasn't your comment. It was, you know, the post I wrote. So no worries.

Jeremy Palmer said...

Shouldn't it be "the acronym to which I am referring?"

hee hee

Bridget said...

Dude, I said proficiency, not anal grammatical accuracy.

Love you.

Merkley Jiating said...

We need new visiting teaching assignments because I don't think I can say one sentence correctly!

JosephJ said...

Sounds like this position will be a good match for you... and perhaps Jeremy also.

Liz, your comment reminds me of a time Jen was having a girls night out and I was left to single-parent Ian. Somehow, part of Jen's night was spoiled when she found out that Ian and I went to see a water show and to have some bonding time walking through the hardware store. We had a great time and had a very smooth bedtime routine. Instead, Jen seemed to hope that she would come home to a husband frazzled from the antics of a little boy.

There must be something oddly validating about kids being difficult for the non-primary care-giver.

Crys said...

I got in the shower today with Sadie and only after we were completely drenched realized that the previously completely full bottle of baby shampoo was now completely empty. Not even a bubble. Perhaps we were hit by the same bandit. Exciting about your job. I wonder if all those future TOEFL takers just got chills down their spines :)

Bridget said...

Ooh, I forgot about that acronym. It's not TOEFL.

Nancy said...

Good. Because once I had to rate students at the ELC at BYU on practice TOFEL tests and it was...yeah.

Anonymous said...

I think I have an idea about your job. It definitely sounds interesting.

It's hard for me to imagine kid-generated mysteries. The few times I've left Scott on his own for a few days, he's created enough mysteries on his own. : )

Hannah

The Ensign's said...

Sound like perfect job for you. You speaks good english.

B-Rad said...

When I went by to pick Jeremy up from the airport, everything seemed to be in order so all the mysteries must've occurred as while Jeremy was gone. Also, I enjoyed your review of Krakauer's Pat Tillman book. I had some of the same feelings you did while reading it. Especially the part about the 2000 elections. Trust me, we would be in much worse shape if Al Gore was ever president.

JackJen said...

Well, no matter what happens, (and to refer to one of your previous posts), you'll always be My Friend, Bridget, WhoEditsTheDictionary.

Lark said...

You know Bridget, I really do get a bit paranoid about my spelling when I comment on your blog. (Its a good thing though...)

sarah said...

LET THE REIGN OF TERROR BEGIN!!!
-That's how you should have written it. lol

sarah said...

LET THE REIGN OF TERROR BEGIN!!!
-That's how you should have written it. lol

Burke family said...

Congrats Bridget! That is awesome! And don't judge my English to critically... speaking to a toddler and baby all day every day has a way of dumbing down my language. :) What a perfect gig for you!

Suzanne Bubnash said...

Kids do weird things even when their folks are around. Like dumping out an entire bottle of karo syrup on the carpet (Where was I? Sewing in a different room when child got out of bed to perform this task). Or squeezing out a tube of toothpaste and rubbing into carpet (I was on bedrest during a pregnancy and could see him doing it but was powerless to stop it). Or grabbing the paint brush to slather the car with oily exterior stain (Parent was 3 feet away). Or absconding with the bottle of whiteout to paint the piano while parent took a break from a project to get a drink).

Perhaps it's just my kids . . . .

Katie said...

Congrats on the job! And good luck finding the culprit(s).

Teresa Jane said...

The shower diverter was broken before I arrived. Jeremy said that Magdalena did that in the bath. And it didn't disappear, I put it in your bathroom mirror/cabinet. Same as the desktop background, Jeremy did that... right, Jeremy? Unless Miriam figured that out. Miriam dumped the bath oil on Magdalena and herself. The baby shampoo may have been my fault, I might just use too much. And the conditioner... I have no idea, because I was looking for it when I showered. I went and bought some the next day. Does that help?

Bridget said...

Hahahaha. Thanks, Teresa. But there's no way you used too much baby shampoo. It was probably Miriam at it again.

Amanda said...

I love that you just said "Dude" to Jeremy. People give Keith and me crap all the time for calling each other dude. It's our pet name, gotta problem with that?!?!

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