Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I know many women have strange, very realistic dreams when they're pregnant. I don't. But: I have strange, very realistic dreams when I am sleep-deprived. Like these days. Sometimes they are so scary that I have to wake up Jeremy and take moment to have him talk me back into reality. Other times, I'm so glad that Sterling wakes up to eat so I can get some cuddles and love after a nightmare. A few weeks ago, I had the worst dream I can remember ever having. That one from when I was nine years old where all my family members were dressed up as ghosts on a pirate ship has finally been knocked off its "worst nightmare ever" perch.

These dreams are the kind of horrible where when I wake up and realize it was just a dream, I am so incredibly glad that I almost shiver from relief.

There are a few recurring themes. I often find myself dreaming that we are back in Syria. The other night, I dreamed that Jeremy joined the FSA and I had to get the kids out of the country by myself. We went in a caravan with our neighbors through the partially destroyed city, but in the chaos, Miriam and Magdalena were left behind with another family. So awful.

I also often dream about my children and other people's children dying in easily preventable ways - drowning or suffocating, etc. due to careless parents. Again, just awful.

When I find myself up early in the morning with Sterling, the sleep deprivation makes me a little irrational. Jeremy and a friend climbed Jebel Shams in Oman on Sunday. I heard from them via text on Saturday night that they had reached base camp (for lack of a better word). Then I heard nothing. Nothing at all. By Monday morning, I was so worried. Before 5am (Sterling and I were awake because he had woken up to eat and then spat it up all over me), I had made a list of everyone I was going to contact to search for my missing husband who was probably lying on a ledge at 3000m, horribly injured and cold and in need of assistance.

Turns out, cell phone reception was just spotty. He sent me a text before lunch on Monday telling me that everything was fine. He and his friend had a good laugh at this silly paranoid wife and her increasingly frantic texts (which possibly culminated in "if I do not hear from you by noon today I am calling someone to go find you." Noon, because even if one of them was injured, the other would have been able to walk down to a village by then. I thought it all through. At 4am).

Anyway. Sterling slept from 8 - 5.30 last night, so now I feel like I can conquer the world. And maybe stop having bad dreams.


Liz Johnson said...

I have those kinds of dreams all the time when I'm pregnant, or when I'm anxious. It's horrible! I once had a dream where I was imprisoned and forced to watch my captors burn my children alive on a bonfire. I mean, C'MON. Where does my subconscious come up with that stuff?! It was horrible!

I've had that one where I'm trying to escape and I somehow lose my kids. Ugh. It's horrible.

I'm so glad Jeremy was ok. I also would've been freaking out. I've been known to call the State Police to check for accidents if Chris is running way later than I expect. :)

Amanda Ball said...

I have awful dreams all the time. Mostly they involve my kids getting kidnapped and sold into the sex trade. Awful.

elliespen said...

I have vivid dreams all the time but they're a lot worse when I'm pregnant, like right now. I woke up shivering at 4:00 a.m. this morning after a long involved dream of increasing terribleness culminating in a super-abusive guy who was convinced he was my husband throwing three large pythons into my face. Yeah. (Please note: my actual husband is pretty darn awesome and would never ever do anything like that.)

Melody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nancy said...

I always suffer from nightmares as well, though sleep deprivation (and pregnancy—which is kind of like sleep deprivation) certainly make them worse. :)

Sarah Cook said...

I am sorry! Dreams can be terrifying. I had the worst dreams right after Camri was born until she was a few months old. I also had the careless parenting accident dreams. I would wake up shaking. I'm so glad they have dissipated!

Crys said...

I attacked Dr j once mid sleep. I thought he was an intruder and then when he grabbed my arms to restrain me from gouging he eyes out I started kicking and shrieking until he finally got me to wake up. Also recently he told me I yelled out, "don't let the baby take anything else out of me." Bizarro. The weird this is rarely do I remember what I dream about. I mainly just remember feelings of horror, grief (i have woken up sobbing) or anxiety. Dr j meanwhile actually can change his dream. If he has a dream people are being killed he gives himself superpowers and kicks butt and then wakes up to tell me about his "amazing" dream. Why can he do that an I can't?

Bridget said...

Because he's Divergent.

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