Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A highly scientific analysis of Milka chocolate varieties


I was inspired by the book Candyfreak to write brief reviews of all the Milka chocolate bar varieties that I tried in Germany. Consider this my candy magnum opus.

Milka Chips Ahoy. I don't like Chips Ahoy, so this was just meh for me. My kids liked it, though!

Milka and Oreo. This is one of my favorites! The Oreo bits are suspended in creamy filling so it's like having a bar of chocolate, a glass of milk, and a stack of Oreos, all in one. I do prefer mushy, milk-saturated Oreos, though, so the crunchy texture sometimes made me sad.

Milka Strawberry Yoghurt. Another one of my favorites, though I think I prefer Ritter Sport's rendition of the same (they put little crunchy bits in theirs). The Milka yogurt is more creamy than tangy, but deliiiiiiicious.

Milka and Daim. I prefer my Daim unencumbered by a Milka bar. This combination cheapens both of its elements.

Milka Whole Hazelnuts. This is Jeremy's favorite. It is very good, but apparently I prefer the novelty fillings rather than the classics.

Milka Cream-Crème (Sahne-Crème in German). Like a regular Milka bar, but silkier, almost like mousse. Really good.

Milka Alpine Milk Cream. This is the grown-up version of those Kinder milky chocolate bars. It's nice for those times when you feel like chocolate, but not too much, you know? Bonus: illusion of chocolate being good for you because milk.

Milka Yoghurt. Again, I prefer Ritter Sport's version because it is tangier, but there is always a place for this milder cousin.

Milka Grape Nut. I do not need fruit bits in my chocolate, GOOD DAY SIR.

Milka Caramel Cream. Another gem. Not too caramel-y, not too creamy, not too chocolatey. Just the right balance of all three. Bliss. You used to be able to buy this one in the UAE, but I haven't seen it in years.

Milka Toffee Ganznuss (whole nut - hazelnut). This is my favorite when I'm feeling sophisticated - a single hazelnut on top of toffee (caramel?) and cream, surrounded by chocolate.

Milka Choco + Cakes. This is a Milka bar with cream and a biscuit/wafer/graham cracker thing inside. It tasted like a S'more to me, especially since I ate it when it was all melty. I can see this becoming a favorite, were I allowed the honor of further acquaintance.

Milka Raspberry and Cream. I found this one in Romania - I'd never seen it in Germany. And it is vile. It tastes like raspberry jam inside of chocolate - like those awful cherry cordial chocolates that no one ever eats in the big box of See's. I think I would like it if they incorporated the raspberry into the cream, or made it a straight-up yoghurt flavor like the strawberry.

Looking through the other varieties of Milka available, I am ashamed at how many there are that I didn't try. It was a case of having the old favorite standbys, and always going back to those instead of trying new ones. I promise to give them more of a chance next time.

22 comments:

Susanne said...

I enjoyed your reviews. I don't eat Milka bars, but we always bring back a wide variety from Germany although we can buy them here (even at Walmart). Somehow it's more fun bringing them home to family as "souvenirs" since the labels are written in German.

I enjoyed reading your opinion on the different flavors.

Kristi said...

My favorite is the Kuhflecken (Cow Patch). It is milk chocolate with white chocolate spots made to resemble the spots on a dairy cow. I Look for it every time I see Milka bars sold in the US, but have never found it. It must only be sold in Germany.

Jen said...

Truth: I sort of hate you right now.

Bridget said...

Susanne, Walmart, really?? All these varieties, or just a few? Amazing.

Kristi, I had a feeling you would like this post. And Jen, I had a feeling lots of people would be jealous reading it. :)

Jeremy Palmer said...

Jeremy may have eaten an entire large 300g "Whole Hazelnuts" himself in one day.

Bridget said...

But then he ran 50k the next day, so I think it evened out.

Holly Mayer said...

you are sending out samples now right?

Suzanne Bubnash said...

Nothing is better than hazelnuts and chocolate or carmel and chocolate. MIlka's are exceptional. I don't dare buy them except as a treat when I'm in Europe or ME.

Jenn Ridgeway said...

My husband SWEARS he had a Pop Rocks Milka in the Czech Republic in the summer of 2001. We haven't come across one since (We've looked. Like, a LOT), but I dream of experiencing such a beast one day.

Bridget said...

Pop Rocks??? That is crazy talk! I believe him, but...wow.

Hannah said...

Ooh, I've never had Milka bars, but they sound terrific! Definitely something to look out for...

Lisa Lou said...

They exist! (Or at least did) I had one in 1998 or 1999. Amazing.

Anna said...

"GOOD DAY SIR." I literally lol'd.

Bridget said...

I wish! I do have a few on reserve, but they're mine, ALL MINE.

Bridget said...

The Toffee Ganznuss - you brought us one from Slovakia in 2010. It was the first time I had one...but not the last. It only comes in the HUGE 300g size, for "sharing."

Suzanne Bubnash said...

Sharing???

Kristi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristi said...

Pop Rocks Milka aka "Knister Q":
http://www.amazon.com/Worlds-Best-Milka-Chocolate-Knister/dp/B0002IPXRA

Or this:
http://www.milka.de/milka2/page?locale=dede1&PagecRef=616&pid=3132&cid=1396

breanne said...

I haven't seen Milka pop rocks chocolate, but there is an Israeli pop rocks chocolate that is pretty good (made by Elite). I've seen it at airports sometimes (and inside of Israel, naturally). It's such a strange sensation to have the creamy chocolate and the pop rocks popping in your mouth at the same time.

Eevi said...

This post was torture to read as I am very much craving good chocolate right now. I didn't realize there were SO many varieties. It makes Fazer chocolate's selection look pretty pathetic.

Bridget said...

Speaking of Fazer, I have a licorice chocolate bar waiting for me today, courtesy of a Finnish friend here who went home for the summer. :)

Sherwood family said...

Zaubernuss. Best one ever. I only ever saw in in Austria, and that was twelve years ago, once. I spent the rest of my semester trying to find it again and I never did. Sigh.

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